What the gently caress are you talking about?

Flipping through the ol' internets and looking at the Vince Offer shots I noticed a curious phenomenon. Apparently, because internet forums restrict coarse language (fuck, amongst many other words) the users at the website somethingawful.com have begun inserting "gently caress" where the f-bomb would go. Fan-gently caressing-tastic.

Techn-opolypse, courtesy Barry Goldwater

Now that the Republican Party has apparently declared intellectual jihad on such bastions of knowledge as academia, the news, and scientists I've been rooting through some old thinkers of the conservative movement to see if there once existed some good ideas. I came across these videos of old campaign commercials on the internet archive, and was extremely impressed by Barry Goldwater's mix of homespun imagery, an almost literary conceptualization of Evil, and the verbosity of his own language. The second video takes you through some of the boilerplate talk show points about "big government," but then Goldwater adds a much colder element: that large government is eroding our very identities as individuals. His descriptions of government touch on physical aspects of everyday life creating a poem of a weakening substance. The tag line further promotes the viewer to absorb the subtle implications of Goldwaters message, "in your heart... you know he's right." Here's the downloadable file.

Also, Barry G. looks a little bit like Bevis, no?

J-E-LL-O

This story makes me want to kill Bill Cosby just so his ghost can look down from heaven and smile.


Apparently, those wacky scientists at the South Pole have been getting into some Jello wrestling. Every dyed in the wool nerd I know is a pretty strange person who often didn't get a lot of ass. It looks like all that changes in the South Pole. Binge drinking (and murder), 16,000 condoms and 5 months of darkness!

The Red Menace

Doing some daily reading, I enjoyed this piece in the NY Times about the rhetoric of socialism from the conservative camp. I found it interesting because a) I'm taking my first Econ class right now and b) I got into a heated email exchange with my uncle late in the campaign because he was insistent on calling Obama a socialist/communist without actually knowing the differentiation between those terms.

I suppose if an attack line works, use it. But still, it's a bit like the old days of playing Tekken against some kid who just uses the same combo move the entire match.

Aside from, as the article points out, the different shades of San Fran, Swedish and Venezuelan socialism, my Economics text keeps reminding me that we actually live in a state of Welfare Capitalism, where the government regulates and manages whole aspects of the economy. As the GOP casts about for a new leader, they may want to look at a famous pseudo-socialist of their own: The trust busting, environment preserving, Cuba invading TR!

UPDATE: Apparently, some in Fort Worth think a "Marxist Revolution" is being conducted in the White House! You know when Ron Paul's kid shows up at a rally you've got a message that's sticking.

What This Country Needs is an Awesome Depression

Running in the March issue of 303 Magazine

I think the time is ripe for an Even Greater Depression. It seems like every week economic data bear even worse news. Three years ago if you heard, “credit crunch” odds are it was a candy bar or exercise. Now, it provokes a looming sense of uncertain dread everyone has thus far only associated with terrorists.

Imagine life two years ago – the weather was always sunny, everyone busied themselves with self-indulgent internet posts and it seemed like every zip code had its own glamour and lifestyle magazine. My friend actually thought he could sell homemade t-shirts that proclaimed “Fuck War” for $45 a pop. He used to give sushi to homeless guys too, and is now unemployed.

An Awesome Depression would put the Great Depression to shame. It would be more severe, yes, but also more full of character-building struggle and their attendant anecdotes. A Depression with less comfort than any other Depression would teach everyone thriftiness and resourcefulness. Suddenly disposable anything seems pretty silly. Why throw away what you can reuse and recycle? Why not wash out that plastic container for lunchmeat and store other food in it? What about changing your old bottles into decorative candle-holders or cups for that homemade beer you’ve begun brewing.

We’ll have all kinds of stories like my 5th grade teacher Mrs. Wilson used to tell us. She made dresses out of shoes and ate the leftovers for dinner. She saved everything and could fix anything and could have survived the apocalypse had it occurred in 1952.

In an Awesome Depression people will be more careful with how they spend their entertainment dollars. Luxury boxes always have been dumb, but when unemployment starts bumping into double digits it’s going to take more than glass to protect the champagne swilling, over-paid douches who somehow created a caste system of their own for sports.

After years of bling and brand names being forced down everyone’s throats it’s nice to know that advertising is on the run for a change. And imagine how much better at math our children are going to be when they all stop getting allowances because pennies are more valuable than wishes again.

An Awesome Depression would toughen everybody up. Why do you think we’re having trouble fighting the Taliban? They sleep in snow and live in caves! They herd goats on mountains and build houses out of mud and rocks. Meanwhile, our kids are raised on video games and central heating and air. Wimps!

People are going to have to learn real jobs and no longer pass themselves off as insufferable “producers” or “graphic designers” when everyone knows that their parents are merely supporting them. And what in the fuck are rappers going to rap about if no one can afford to “make it rain”? Although, it will be fun to see hobos resurface– even though they will probably have to invent new, even poorer ways to get wasted.

An Awesome Depression is going to knock the wind out of pretentious hipster fashion and emphasize well-made, long-lasting clothes (and cars for that matter). Our children are going to look back at 10 years of Club Rap and SUVs and think we were retarded. Then they’ll be glad that we learned how to snare squirrels using twine and our own ingenuity in order to survive the Food Scarcity Crisis of 2011.

Satellite Cloud

I found this cool shot of what earth may look like what with all the satellites in low-orbit.

Terry Gilliam's Bastard Techno-freakout spawn

The Gaslamp Killer posted this strange mishmash of animation and music on his site. Nothing else, can't even get to the YouTube...